Ooops, I Think I May Have Killed the Temptress

My dear friend in California has recently informed me that we women have two parts. The Nurturer, and the Temptress. The nurturer, naturally, is the mother and wife who takes care of the family. The Temptress, is the confident, beautiful, playful woman who is comfortable in her skin and knows she is desirable.

The Nurturer in me is full on and very strong. I love being a mom, I love taking care of my family and I love nurturing. So, clearly she is the dominant person in the Invisible Woman.

Sadly, I think I may have killed the Temptress. I have never been comfortable with her. She has rarely shown up at all in my life. I remember when I first became sexual as a younger woman. I was so lost that I guess when Temptress showed up, I didn't really know what to do with her. As time went on, since I wasn't very comfortable with her I would just suppress her. Put her in a little box where she couldn't get me into any trouble. Sometimes she fought back and sure enough, got me into trouble. Well, I showed her! I got pregnant! That squashed her but good!

After I had my daughter I was full into Nurture girl and Temptress was left out in the cold. This is not good for husbands who love their wives and want the Temptress to come out and play. So, sometimes I would try to let her out just to make the hubby happy, but I would put her away quickly, because even though hubby was happy, I didn't like her, so back into the box chickie!

Time goes on, the daughter is growing older. Temptress is so often in the box that I never even want to open it. Really I am much more confident as Nurturer than Temptress and quite frankly she scares me. This is sad, because here I am only being half of the woman I should be. Poor hubby doesn't get to see her, and I have left her in the box for so long I think she's dead. I don't know how to revive her. Nothing he does can bring her back. She's very quiet in the box.

I've seen women who are so good at the Temptress, they seem very comfortable in her skin. They are confident and clearly feel beautiful and desirable. Maybe some women spend too much time being Temptress, just like I spend too much time being Nurturer. I think it's important to have balance in ones life. No matter what you do.

As I am on this journey of trying to understand myself I see that I allow things in my life to be out of balance. I spend nearly all of my time doing things for my family. Being that Nurturer. I spend very little time doing things that I truly enjoy. So little in fact that I don't know where to find pleasure in my life. I feel like I hardly know myself. And if Temptress is still alive at all, which seems doubtful, I am terrified of letting her out of the box.

So, maybe it's time to face some of my fears. I know that giving up is not an option. If I don't find the joy in living, I'm not going to be happy and neither is anyone else around me. No I'm not going to give the Temptress full reign in my life. That wouldn't be me at all and I don't think it's healthy. But I'm a happily married woman, I love the hubby, and he does in fact deserve to have her come out and play sometime. Maybe if I can feel more comfortable in my own skin, I'll find some other things in life to enjoy as well. I want that full rich life that some people seem to enjoy. Why can't I have it all?

I've been so blessed. God has given me a great hubby, and a wonderful daughter. He has best of all given me himself. I don't want to be a "worldly woman", but I do want to live in it happily. I think the key to being happy is balance.I struggle with this, probably most people do as well.

What do you think?