About Christians

So, here’s the thing. No one seems to be able to agree on what a Christian is these days. I’ve heard people who call themselves Christians, say that other Christians are not Christians because they go to the wrong church. I’ve heard Christians tell me that I’m not a Christian if I believe that the earth is over 6000 years old. I’ve had Christians tell me that it’s their job to save the world and we all need to go out and convert everyone else to Christianity. Here’s the problem. How do you convert others if you as a group can’t seem to agree on what it means to be a Christian? How do you intend to convince people that you have the answers when you can’t even be honest with yourself? Most of the Christians I know are not what I think a Christian is. I believe that a Christian is someone who surrenders their life over to God to do his will. And so in doing this follows the teachings and examples that Jesus Christ gave us with his life. All the other crap seems to be petty and insignificant and yet so many Christians give that petty crap their full attention. Why do you want to have an exclusive club? If you think that your job is to get everyone else on board, then why when they are on board do you start to exclude them with all the little details about if you believe this or do that then you’re not a Christian? When I accept Jesus into my life and I surrender everything over to Him, then I am starting a relationship. One like any relationship that needs to be nurtured to grow. One that requires love and attention from both parties. God is always there, He always shows up, so our job then is just to keep showing up and loving and trying. Are we perfect? No way! We are all trying to do our best.

The thing that I hate about Christians is there intolerance for others. You see that? I’m being intolerant of their intolerance! The fact that they want to pity you and feel sorry for you because you aren’t as spiritually mature as they think they are, but if they really were so mature wouldn’t they actually be more tolerant and loving and follow the example that Jesus set for them? What about that?

What about really caring and loving people? I don’t mean that pretend thing that so many of you do when you think you should now pray for the poor soul who’s life is turning to crap, anyone can pretend. What about the people that take the time every week to show up in your Bible study group. Do you know them? Really? I remember being in a Bible study where the host would ramble on about how we were all there to help each other and didn’t once try to get to know anyone in the group. You know this makes me think you’re a liar? I told him that. You say one thing and do something else, buddy the secret is out and you’re full of crap. But he is far, far, far from being the only one. I’ve had Christian women who claim to be my friends spend more time gossiping and trying to find out more about you to talk about behind your back just so they can put a knife in it! (Figuratively) But they consider that they are better Christians than someone who wants to have a loving relationship with God. I look at everything in terms of significance. The way I see it, if you love God and want to follow the teachings of Christ, that would be where to start. Read what he said, see what he did. Did he teach people to hate? Did he teach people to constantly live in fear? Did he tell everyone that he was the master of an exclusive club and you can’t join unless you follow a bunch of rules? Did he say that if you want to belong to my exclusive club you have to go to a specific church and sing a specific song and say specific prayers? ‘Cause I’ve looked and my Bible doesn’t say that!!!

I’ve been to churches that talk more about being afraid of the devil than about loving God. Who do you think you’re serving with that? Did Jesus tell us we should live our lives in fear of the devil or focus our attention on loving God? So the devil is everywhere and he’s always out to get you, do you know how to fight that? Not by doing what he wants and wallowing in fear!!! Not by focusing all of your attention on him! Turn away from that, focus on God. What that’s not enough? If it’s not enough then why are you trying to convert people by telling them God is enough? I am convinced you’ll get more people to see your point of view by being sincere with them. Most of us don’t like to be lied to. We don’t like to have you trying to convince us about how wrong we are when we can see how wrong you are. You don’t think that other people can see the mask you wear?

Well, first hand I can say that I’ve been fooled. Some of you are so good at your lies that I definitely didn’t know you were faking until it was too late. When I had already opened up my heart and gave you some space of your own to crush. You know why people leave the church? I think it’s because when you go there you have higher expectations because they tell you they are a better group than the rest of the world. Then when you open up and give them a piece of you they happily tear it to shreds. Why would I want to give more? Don’t you know I can’t trust you now? I’m the one always trying to see the good in people. I want to trust. I want to share. I want to love. However, some people make it impossible.

So, I am angry. God knows it. I don’t blame God. My faith is strong. I am just sickened by the lies and insincerity I see in those who claim to be Christians. I don’t want to play that game. I don’t want to be like those people. I don’t think God wants that of me either. He didn’t make me that way. Am I a Christian? At this point I know it depends entirely on your personal definition. I certainly fall into that category by my own definition, but at this point I don’t like to mention it, because then I become associated with all the lies and hypocrisy that so many of the other Christians of the world have represented over the years. I’m not ashamed of Jesus, I’m ashamed of you.

About Looking for a Thing

Well, last time I talked all about how much I love working at home. What I didn't talk about was the lack of separate special interests in my life which I think are important. So, by things, I mean something special in a person's life which is a part of who they are and it is special to them. Most of the people I know have a thing. At least one thing. Sometimes it's that they are a Star Wars fan or maybe they really like technology, or perhaps it's something like quilting. It's their thing. Something they enjoy doing or learning about that holds a part of their heart and mind because it is part of who they are. My husband has things, my daughter has things. I on the other hand, really don't have a thing. Unless you want to count my psycho obsession with coffee. Which really isn't much of a thing. It's more me being way to picky and demanding about coffee.

So, I'm now thinking I need a thing. I am going to take a poll and find out if other mom's are mostly thingless or is it just me? If you have a thing, what is it? I have things I enjoy doing, but they are not really my thing. I like to paint in my spare time. I enjoy this, it's a hobby, but I don't want to spend a lot of my time talking with others about painting or learning about all the different painting styles and whoever painted what, so see, it's not my thing. I do kinda have a thing about God. I like God and I really like talking and reading about God, so that is my thing. The problem with this is that I can't really find other people who get enthusiasitc about this thing. They have their ideas and beliefs and really don't want to talk with you if you think differently or if you want to have a discussion. Maybe that's what they figure they go to church for. I don't know, but I don't know of a lot of people who share this thing. At least not in the way I see it. Which is another post entirely.

I guess that although I like my job, I am feeling dissatisfied because my life centers entirely around my family and where they have an outlet that gives them others to talk to about common interests, I really don't have this. And I think it's important to have balance in your life, so really all family and no other thing = out of balance. At least it seems that way to me. So, people ask me what other things are you interested in? Here is where the problem comes in. I'm interested in most things a little, but not many things a lot. So, where I might enjoy going to the opera once in a while, I am not the person who will be following the latest trends and shows and knowing who sings what. I guess when I say I'm looking for a thing, I think what I want is to find something that I am interested in, that other people are interested in. Where you can get together and have discussions about it, or participate in some social interaction, because of a common interest. You know? Just a thing that is my own thing, that I can share with others who have the same thing. I just don't know what my thing is. Dang! I don't know my thing, and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up! So, I just go along each day trying to find joy in life, and appreciate what I have at the moment, which is pretty great when I think about it. So why do I keep wanting something more?

About My Job

I have had many jobs in my life. I remember when I was in school preparing for life in the real world I was told that I should decide on a career and pursue it. The problem is that as a student, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had thoughts about what might me nice, but having no experience, how was I supposed to know what thing I would find lifelong satisfaction doing? So, I worked in clerical positions, and various other jobs. I got a degree in Computer Science thinking this would make me a small fortune, just to discover that it was really boring to me. Not to mention the job market being over saturated with qualified candidates that actually didn't think it was boring. The problem with most jobs and me is that once I'm there for maybe 3-6 months I find myself bored and ready to move on to something different. I like variety in my work and I want to be challenged. I can't stand sitting (or standing) and doing the same thing day after day. I cannot imagine ten years of such torture. I have no desire to be the CEO of anything, and I have found that you really don't know what any job will be like until you are doing that job for a little while. So even something that sounds like it might be interesting, could put you to sleep after a few short weeks. So, as you can tell, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

On the other hand, my current job, it's a great job, but most of our culture seems to think of it as insignificant and unimportant. My current job, is being a wife, a mom, and a teacher. Yep, the 21st century homemaker. It's not a position for which I get lots of money, or recognition. I'm not one of today's big time power women making big decisions and controlling lives. No, I'm kinda like a frumpy, overweight, not always level-headed June Cleaver, oh but she didn't homeschool Wally and the Beaver.

So, at first this seems like another job which would be boring, it's certainly not glamorous. However, the more time I spend washing clothes, cooking dinner, teaching my daughter and doing dishes, the happier I am when I see my family living together in harmony. I don't so much like doing laundry, but I like it when my husband has clean clothes to wear to work. I don't necessarily like telling my daughter every day to get her school work finished (constantly, all day long) but I do like to see the A's and B's she gets on her test scores. I like being involved in her daily life. I like working together and learning new things while I teach. I like being here when my husband gets home hungry from a busy day at the office. Heck, I like my job! I like seeing my family happy. It makes me happy! I like that I don't have to get up and dress a certain way and make my hair just perfect and put my make-up on. I like that I can work barefoot all day! I like that I have a flexible schedule. I like that when I am sick, I don't have to call anyone when I feel like crap already. I am blessed with my job, because I know there are a lot of mom's out there who would rather be home with their families, but they cannot afford to stay home.

Not only does being a homemaker/homeschool teacher put a strain on the family budget, but this is a job that many people don't think is important and so they treat you with disrepect. I've had people tell me they don't think I do anything, like all I do is sit around and watch soaps all day. So, "news flash", homeschool moms and homemakers actually work. I don't watch soaps, at all. We watch some news in the morning to keep up with current events in the world around us. Then it's work time. We spend most of the day in the classroom focusing on studies. I have to plan assignments and prepare myself to understand and teach for the day. It's hard when it's your own kids because they pull everything they can to get you to lose focus and push limits. What does teacher do that mom doesn't and vice versa? And on my breaks I keep working, the house needs to be cleaned, dinner planned and prepared, laundry (the never ending supply) needs to be washed, folded and put away. I put in long days. Sometimes it feels like I'm always working. Even at the end of the day when everyone is relaxing and watching television, I'm making sure the dishes are done and the kitchen is clean so I don't wake up to a mess tomorrow. I know that most of you working moms, get home and keep on working too, but don't think that just because the homemaker is home, she's just gossiping and wasting time in front of the TV. My job keeps me busy, gives me plenty of variety, is challenging and for me is more rewarding than working for any organization has ever been. Yep, I love this job! I thank God for giving me this time to be here with my family. This is the best job I have ever had.