About Moods

I find myself wondering if all women go through the crazy mood swings that I experience. I remember when I was a child that my mom definitely did. Only somehow when it was my mom, it seemed worse. I hope I'm not that crazy.

I find that some days I am up, happy, appreciating every aspect of my life. Other days, I'm down in the pit. What amazes me is the times when I up, I can't figure out why I ever felt so down, and the times when I'm down, I don't understand how I ever felt so up. It's like being two different people.

I live in an area where I have a lot of allergies. The symptoms make me sick most of the year. The worst of these are the headaches which make all movement and speech extremely painful. So in a way, they make living very difficult. When I don't have the headaches, I often get laryngitis and cannot speak. Making work and or any communication very difficult. This gets me down. The longer I feel sick, the more down I get. That part I think is normal, because most people want to be able to live and communicate, and when you are in pain it does bring you down. Then, it seems like when the pain is gone and I have a "normal" day, I'm back to happy perky me.

I usually think of myself as a very positive person. I try to see the good in people and circumstances. But I know too that on my bad days, I can be horrible. It shocks me really, when I act mean, or say things that hurt people. I know I'm not that woman. So, I find myself surprised by the huge differences in my own behavior. It's what I usually call "psycho hormone syndrome" because it usually comes more frequently when I'm hormonal and seems to get worse with age. When I was younger I never had these big dramatic mood swings, why now?

But It's not just me. My mom was like that. I remember her being two people. Sometimes this very nice loving enjoyable person and other times an evil monster who would hurt you with as much force as possible. As a child I found this very difficult to understand. How one person could change so quickly into something else. It's the Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde thing. The guy who wrote that could very possible have known someone just like my mother. Inspiration don't you know. Anyway, then I met another woman who was that way. I worked with her. She too had two very distinct personalities. One moment she would be the nicest most uplifting person you ever wanted to be around. Then at any random moment, she would turn ugly. Not on the outside, but man could she be cruel. She actually was so harsh with people there were coworkers who were afraid to approach her for any reason. She would send them crying away from her desk. Then, nice lady would reappear and she had no idea why anyone would be afraid of her. It was like when the evil one came, the nice one checked out completely. Unaware that the other existed.

As you can tell I spend a lot of time reflecting and looking within. I want to be someone I like. I want to be someone who makes others feel good. I like to encourage and uplift. But sometimes this other woman takes over my body and says mean things to the people I love. She gets upset over little things and she hates life completely. Who is this chick anyway? Where does she come from? She isn't me!!! But there she is, in my head. I hate that one, but at least I know she is there. I am aware of my own actions. When I say or do hurtful things, I know it was wrong and I quickly apologize. So, at least I don't check out completely like the woman I worked with, and my mom. Still, I wonder how many women go through this? Is it just a woman thing?