Better Today

Well the headache has gone for now. Yay!

Yesterday was a much better day. No headaches. School went well, no tirades from the daughter. Hubby was happy, and the dog didn't piddle on the floor. All in all, a very good day.

I found a turkey at the grocery for not too much $$. That was dinner last night, and probably tonight, maybe tomorrow. Why is it that turkeys are only sold around Thanksgiving and Christmas? I like turkey. It takes a while to cook, but once it's done you can do so much with it. Sandwiches for lunch, turkey & vegies for dinner, make a casserole, whatever. It goes with just about everything. Yep, turkey--good.

Thanks to new blog friends for stopping by. I'm a newbie blogger and wouldn't have a clue what I was doing if it wasn't for my really smart sis Christine. I've been exploring a whole new world of blogging and finding there are a lot of you out there sharing your thoughts and your lives. Thanks for that!

I'm excited about having a date this weekend! Hubby and I rarely get to go out on dates. However, the daughter is going to a Birthday/Costume party (how fun) and we are taking advantage of this opportunity to go out. I don't know what we'll do yet, but when the hubby is in fun mode, we always have a good time.

Woe is Me, Just call me Woe

Once again the headache is back. With it I get to have my throat swell up so it hurts to move and to talk. Damn it! I like talking! It's my favorite pass-time. This is not fun.

Don't you hate it when people say "How are you today?" but they don't really care how you are. Why do you ask? Do you want to really know? And this opens a huge can of worms. Do you want to know how my crazy mood is today? Do you want to know how my body is today? Do you want to know my current emotional state? Clearly I'm taking it way too seriously. I just don't like to lie and the question usually makes me stop and think about how I am today. I'm feeling sorry for myself, or I'm lonely, or I need a break! My body hurts just about every day, so that's actually just a normal condition for me, but I'm not likely to explain it to the grocery clerk who just asked because she's trying to be polite. I'm probably going to say, "I'm fine." Which is really code for "It's not really any of your business and I don't think you care anyway." Sometimes if I'm feeling really unwell, like today, I'll say how I really feel. But although I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I really don't like to talk about it.

So, the good news is that although my body, head and throat are all bugging me, I'm actually not feeling too down this time. Trying to stay optimistic and see the bright side of things. At least the weather is cooling down, which means there should be an end to the allergies soon. There is supposed to be a storm coming through today, I like storms they help me to relax. I like the sound of thunder and the rain coming down somehow it calms me.

About Moods

I find myself wondering if all women go through the crazy mood swings that I experience. I remember when I was a child that my mom definitely did. Only somehow when it was my mom, it seemed worse. I hope I'm not that crazy.

I find that some days I am up, happy, appreciating every aspect of my life. Other days, I'm down in the pit. What amazes me is the times when I up, I can't figure out why I ever felt so down, and the times when I'm down, I don't understand how I ever felt so up. It's like being two different people.

I live in an area where I have a lot of allergies. The symptoms make me sick most of the year. The worst of these are the headaches which make all movement and speech extremely painful. So in a way, they make living very difficult. When I don't have the headaches, I often get laryngitis and cannot speak. Making work and or any communication very difficult. This gets me down. The longer I feel sick, the more down I get. That part I think is normal, because most people want to be able to live and communicate, and when you are in pain it does bring you down. Then, it seems like when the pain is gone and I have a "normal" day, I'm back to happy perky me.

I usually think of myself as a very positive person. I try to see the good in people and circumstances. But I know too that on my bad days, I can be horrible. It shocks me really, when I act mean, or say things that hurt people. I know I'm not that woman. So, I find myself surprised by the huge differences in my own behavior. It's what I usually call "psycho hormone syndrome" because it usually comes more frequently when I'm hormonal and seems to get worse with age. When I was younger I never had these big dramatic mood swings, why now?

But It's not just me. My mom was like that. I remember her being two people. Sometimes this very nice loving enjoyable person and other times an evil monster who would hurt you with as much force as possible. As a child I found this very difficult to understand. How one person could change so quickly into something else. It's the Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde thing. The guy who wrote that could very possible have known someone just like my mother. Inspiration don't you know. Anyway, then I met another woman who was that way. I worked with her. She too had two very distinct personalities. One moment she would be the nicest most uplifting person you ever wanted to be around. Then at any random moment, she would turn ugly. Not on the outside, but man could she be cruel. She actually was so harsh with people there were coworkers who were afraid to approach her for any reason. She would send them crying away from her desk. Then, nice lady would reappear and she had no idea why anyone would be afraid of her. It was like when the evil one came, the nice one checked out completely. Unaware that the other existed.

As you can tell I spend a lot of time reflecting and looking within. I want to be someone I like. I want to be someone who makes others feel good. I like to encourage and uplift. But sometimes this other woman takes over my body and says mean things to the people I love. She gets upset over little things and she hates life completely. Who is this chick anyway? Where does she come from? She isn't me!!! But there she is, in my head. I hate that one, but at least I know she is there. I am aware of my own actions. When I say or do hurtful things, I know it was wrong and I quickly apologize. So, at least I don't check out completely like the woman I worked with, and my mom. Still, I wonder how many women go through this? Is it just a woman thing?

About This World

I find that mostly I feel like I’m very out of touch with the world I live in. I spend most of my time focused on our family and our corner of the world seems to be quite small. The only contact I have with most of the world is through the television. I’ve been watching the news more lately, just to know what’s happening.

I don’t mind being disconnected, because overall I really don’t like the world I live in. Most of the things they consider newsworthy is not what I think of as being terribly significant. I am often amazed as I watch television. I wonder things like, why does anyone care what dress or outfit a movie star is wearing? Does this really matter to people? Why do couples get married without having discussions about things like whether or not they want children? Really? This happens? I’ve tried even watching Dr. Phil, and I am just amazed at how many people need this guy to tell them that they are selfish and are not behaving properly. Really? You thought it was okay to lie to everyone that cares about you? What the hell is wrong with this world? Why do people think it’s so important to wear expensive clothes or to have the perfect body? Why do democrats and republicans keep bickering back and forth like immature children? Really? You both want to have what you think is power and run our country, but my 12 year old can see right through you, so who do you think you’re kidding? Stop your childishness! Why is it okay to talk about gay rights, but it’s not okay to talk about what is right and what is wrong? Why don’t people respect each other? Why don’t people actually talk to each other with the desire to understand? Why is the only topic of conversation supposed to be meaningless drivel that has no value for anyone?

Who the hell cares about what happened on the latest reality show? I’m amazed! Either I live in a very disgustingly superficial, materialistic culture, which is sadly lacking in some basic communication skills, or I just have a very distorted view of things. Our movie stars have become the Gods of today. So much so that apparently they are the current advertising trend. Why does someone who makes million dollars a year need to be given a $50,000 dress to wear? Well so other people with more money than brains will go out and buy it of course! Silly me, and I think it’s all a total waste.

I saw a program last week where some scientists have been spending lots of time (and money) trying to decipher exactly what Neil Armstrong said when he walked on the moon. Was it “One small step for man, one giant step for mankind” or was it “One small step for a man, one giant step for mankind” How much money and time has been spent over that “a”? And what difference does it make? Really? This was big news? Man, how desperate are we for something to do? I’m amazed at what people consider to be an important cause. Do you know I found a website dedicated to the danger of lip balm? Really, chapstick is a major issue for some people. I just think if you don’t like chapstick, don’t use it. Am I just being too logical? I go through life being constantly amazed, by what I see on television, the internet and even in the people around me.

What’s really important? I guess the answer to that will depend entirely on who you ask. It would seem that some people think it’s the car, you drive, or the clothes you wear, or your job, or who you are seen with. Some people will say it’s family, or quality of life. I guess it will differ depending on the life you have lived, and what has been most significant to you. I cannot say what is important to others.

I can say what I think. I believe that this world, all of it, is not as important as everyone seems to want it to be. I think this material world is not my home. I’m here on a temporary assignment, so all the little games and power trips seem pretty insignificant. I’m here simply to do my time. I am here to serve God, and be the best wife and mom I can be. So, I will do that and try to enjoy it and appreciate all of it, as much as I am able, until He gives me another assignment. When my work in this world is done, I will go Home and be with God. I'm looking forward to it. This place is way too messed up.